Aitch In Yore Buttocks

I just found out I have a ‘H’ shaped butt. The shock. The horror. The impending clamshells.

Okay, so an ‘H’ shaped butt isn’t that bad. My backside isn’t even that ‘unplump’, as my best bro-friend put it yesterday. It’s irritatingly large in the idea that skirts sit too high on the thigh when I want them to be knee height – I have short leg and a long torso, so short skirts are a no-no unless I’m wearing heels or low slung trainers like Chucks. But then, it’s not firm enough? I’m sure thousands of girlies and guysies experience this too.

But no-one wants to not have a decent ass, do they? And I’m aware that ‘ass’ is American, but saying ‘arse’ sounds like too much of an insult when I’m merely talking about firming up my glutes. Ass is a softer, rounded word. Ass.

I’m done.

But, I mean, I’m struggling already with this healthy eating thing. It’s coming up to Easter, which means sugar and sweets and all manner of things chocolate and I’m quietly pooping out of my H shaped butt. (I’m not, but you get my gist, nay?)

I suppose it’s time to check out those glute exercises, if I want a firm butt. I would have thought riding would have toned it a little bit, but maybe I’m not riding correctly in which case!

(Also, did you like my title? I’m doing Language Change from the 1700’s – Present Day at the moment in English Language, and I couldn’t resist. So punny. Future McIntyre right here, guys)


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